This past week was definitely the most difficult since the loss of my husband last December. When I tried to figure out what happened, I identified several possible triggers that just seemed to pile up on me. At the end of the week, I sought help from the chaplain who had been on Craig’s hospice team. Fortunately, he was able to spend some time talking with me and introduced me to someone who is a year ahead of me in the grieving process.

My new friend told me that what I experienced is called an ambush, and she assured me there will be more of them to come. While it was a painful week, it is comforting to know that it is a natural part of the grieving process.

I decided to do a little research to see what else I don’t know about what I am going through. An article I found on the AARP website, written by Ruth Davis Konigsberg debunked the idea that there are stages of grief. According to her research, those who are grieving experience more of a fluctuation. A day of sadness or anxiety can be followed by a day of joy and lightheartedness. This fits more with what I have experienced. Fortunately, there have been far more happy days than sad ones. And I can expect the sad ones to come less frequently as time passes.

Another encouraging finding in her study was that grief doesn’t last forever. The loss will always be there and so will the memories, but the acute grief will eventually disappear. She also found that humor has a healing affect on those who grieve. Being able to recall happy times and to smile when describing the one we’ve lost are healthy ways to deal with our grief.

Reading this article did help me uncover ways to redirect my thinking and focus on my emotions as I navigate this new journey I am on. I am sharing it with the hope that it will be helpful to others traveling this same path.

4 thoughts on “AMBUSHED”

  1. Hi Rosemary, reading this made me realize how grieving goes day by day. It has been almost 10 years since Carrie past I wished she never left but I know God has good intentions and I feel better knowing Carrie is in good hands with the Lord. I grieved for days months a year trying to understand why, and only Carrie and God know. Everyday I wished I could talk with her that is all I want to do. I want to know she is ok and that I am thinking of her all the time ❤️. I miss my big sister dearly. I want to know if it ever gets easy. I do still send my condolences to you Rosemary 🙏 as I am always thinking of you.
    Love, Angela


    1. Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps all of us who are grieving. I was fortunate in one way–Craig left me gradually so I had time to adjust. I think it must be so much harder when it is unexpected. But in either case, we always have our memories and so our loved ones are still with us.


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