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Escalating Problems

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Scan_20141115 (11)Kirstin’s most annoying habit was that of disappearing. Houdini himself could have taken lessons from her. And, of course, she would choose the time and place to vanish when it was most disruptive to our plans.

She loved the mirrors in dressing rooms, and that was usually where we found her. Of course she would be talking to her imaginary friends quite loudly, and so we knew where she was. We thought about getting one of those leashes you see parents using sometimes, but that just didn’t seem right. Kirstin wasn’t trying to make our lives a nightmare; she just was off in her own little world. Over time, she came to like the real world more and grew out of her need to wander away.

On a few occasions, Kirstin was able to take advantage of some electric conveyance to aid in her escape. Her brother, Michael, talks about a time when Kirstin took a daring ride on an escalator at the mall. Instead of stepping on the stairs as they appeared, Kirstin grabbed hold of the outside of the handrail. Before we knew what was happening, she was carried upward, clinging to the side of the escalator like a monkey. As Michael describes it, “She went up the wall.” Actually, she was traveling in the space between the wall and the escalator. Responding quickly, Craig ran up the escalator and snatched her from a potentially tragic end to her ride.

It was just Kirstin and I together on another escalator adventure. Kirstin was a preschooler, and the two of us were shopping in a large department store. I was carrying two huge bags filled with purchases and let go of Kirstin’s hand briefly to adjust them. In the short span of a few seconds, Kirstin took the opportunity to hop on the escalator. With little time to react, I jumped on after her. As I bent down to scoop Kirstin up, the strap on my handbag fell off my shoulder and became entangled in my feet. There was no way to free myself without the risk of dropping my packages, Kirstin, or both. As we rode to the top of the escalator, I contemplated how I was going to extricate myself from this mess. At the same time, I knew there was a distinct possibility that we would both plummet to a painful death. When we reached the top, I was somehow able to get us off the escalator. I waited until I stopped shaking before attempting the trip back down.

On another occasion, it was an elevator that carried Kirstin away, this time purely by accident. We were on a vacation to New Orleans, where we had reservations at a Holiday Inn just off Bourbon Street. We parked our car in the parking garage. Craig and I were busy getting the luggage out of the car when Kirstin, now about fourteen, spotted the elevator. She pushed the button, and when the door opened, not realizing we weren’t ready yet, got into the elevator. Without her knowing this could happen, the doors closed on her and she was whisked away. In my mind, this elevator was something like the Wonkavator from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the one that could go upways and downways and sideways and crossways. Although Kirstin entered the elevator in the parking garage, she ended up in the hotel. Fortunately, there were cameras on the elevators, and after showing us a few children we didn’t recognize, security was able to locate Kirstin, who was on her way down from the top floor. (It’s a good thing there wasn’t an up and out button like the one in the Wonkavator.) After what seemed like an eternity, the elevator door opened, and Kirstin walked out, happy to see us.

From: This Little Light of Mine, A woman with Down syndrome shines brightly in the world. This book is available on Amazon

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My Second Jewelry Miracle

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IMG_0560Craig and I were married on August 1, 1970. On our wedding day, he gave me a beautiful strand of matched cultured pearls. It was by far the most valuable jewelry I had ever owned. On our first anniversary, Craig surprised me with matching pearl earrings. I was overcome by his thoughtfulness and I treasured them.

I kept my pearls in a little velour bag and took them out for special occasions. When I received the earrings, I put them in the bag with the necklace. But later, because I wore them more often, I began putting the pearl earrings in a case with my other earrings. Years later, I purchased a  strand of fake pearls that I felt comfortable wearing more often.  I kept the fake pearls in another velour bag in my jewelry case. The fake ones were very nice and looked genuine, but I was always able to tell them apart from my real ones.

On a day in 1985, I wore my pearl earrings to work as I often did as a teacher at Bradshaw Mountain High School.  In the afternoon, when I was preparing to go home, I noticed that one of my earrings was missing. Needless to say, I was devastated. I had lost something of great value–not just because they were real pearls, but because of their importance to me as a gift from my husband.

I looked for that earring nearly every day I walked the campus or spent time in my classroom, but I was never able to find it. A few years later, our high school was moved to a new campus and I had to give up the search for my earring.

Twenty-five years later, I was organizing my jewelry. I removed the strand of pearls from the bag and there was the single earring I had placed in the bag after losing its mate.  I removed the strand of fake pearls from the second bag and out came a single earring. I figured that I had put the earring in the wrong bag, so I placed it in the bag with the real pearls.

A few months later, I planned to wear my pearls.  I dumped them out on the bed. Along with the strand of pearls, came two perfectly matched pearl earrings.

How many times over the course of twenty-five years had I taken those pearls out of their bag? How many times had I looked at that lone earring with a feeling of sadness? Yet here were both earrings. How could that be?

Of course, there are logical explanations. Maybe I only put one earring in that morning. Maybe there had always been one earring in each bag.  Maybe I had just overlooked it for twenty-five years. As someone who believes in miracles, I tend to have as much faith in the improbable as the probable. And so I choose to believe that this treasure of my heart was  returned to me as a gift of love.

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“Beth Anne is the hero.”

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Beth Anne finished

Beth Anne walked through the tall grass to the edge of the pond. She looked into the pond and saw tiny fishes swimming just under the surface. Dipping her hand into the water, she wiggled her fingers, scaring the fish away. The water felt cold. Continuing on around the pond, she noticed the grass was shorter and there were rocks along the edge. A lizard sat on one of the rocks, sunning itself.  Tiny bugs had landed on the water. Beth Anne wondered if the lizard would try to catch them for food.

After watching the lizard for a few minutes, Beth Anne decided to join her friends on the other side of the pond. She was making her way there, when she noticed a little girl about three years old, splashing her hands in the water. Suddenly, the rock on which the little girl was standing gave way and she fell into the pond. Beth Anne yelled for help. When no one came, she jumped into the pond and pulled the little girl out just as her head was going under water. Amber and Laura finally heard the commotion and came running around the pond. They helped Beth Anne get the little girl out of the water.

“Where is your mom?” Laura asked the little girl when they had her safely away from the pond.

“Over there,” The little girl pointed in the direction of the picnic tables.

As the girls walked toward the picnic tables, the little girl’s mother saw them and came running.

“Why are you all wet?” The mother asked, upset.

“I fell in the pond,” the little girl answered. “She pulled me out.”

“Thank you so much,” the mother said to Laura.

“It wasn’t me,” Laura said. “Beth Anne is the hero.”

“I can’t thank you enough for saving Tiffany. I didn’t even realize she wandered away. If you hadn’t been there, she might have drowned. You really are a hero.”

Since Beth Anne’s clothes were wet, the girls decided it was time to go home. They got on their bikes and rode back to Doris Duncan’s house.

“I’m a hero!” Beth Anne shouted as she ran in the house.

“Why are you wet?” Her Grandmother asked.

“Because I’m a hero,” Beth Anne said again.

“Well, hero or not, you’d better go change your clothes before you catch a cold.”

Just as Laura and Amber were leaving, the doorbell rang. When they opened the door, they found a reporter and cameraman standing on the porch.

“Is this the house where the little girl lives who saved Tiffany McDonald from drowning?” The reporter asked.

“You mean Beth Anne,” Laura said. “I’ll get her for you.” Laura left to get Doris and Beth Anne. Amber stayed at the door with the reporters.

“How did you find out so fast?” Amber asked.

“We were at the park doing a story on the improvement plans the town council is working on. Mrs. McDonald, Tiffany’s mother, came over and told us the story. She pointed you out as you were leaving the park, and we followed you.”

Laura returned to the door with Doris and Beth Anne, who was now wearing dry clothing. “What is this all about?” Doris wanted to know.

“Your granddaughter saved a little girl at the park. She would have drowned if Beth Anne hadn’t pulled her out of the pond. “

“She told me she was a hero,” Doris said, amazed. “But I thought it was just one of her adventure stories. She likes to make up adventures.”

“I’m Veronica Lyons, a reporter for Marshallville Area News. I’d love to interview Beth Anne for tonight’s broadcast.”

Beth Anne went with Veronica and sat down on the sofa in the living room.  While the reporter asked questions, the cameraman filmed the interview.

“What were you doing at the park?” Veronica asked.

“I went there with my friends, Amber and Laura to look for fish in the pond,” Beth Anne said. “I didn’t know there was a little girl by the pond.”

“How did you notice her?” the reporter continued.

“Laura and Amber were looking for . . . What was it?” Beth Anne looked at Laura.

“Crayfish,” Laura said.

“Oh, yeah, crayfish,” Beth Anne went on. “I was walking around the pond. That’s when I saw the little girl. I thought she might get hurt in the pond. Then she fell in. I tried to yell for help but nobody came. Then I went into the water and pulled her out.”

“You are a brave girl,” Veronica said. “Our television station has a reward fund. We’re going to give you twenty-five dollars. What do you have to say about that?”

“I don’t know what to say about that,” Beth Anne said, hesitantly. “I’m happy to get twenty-five dollars. I can help my grandma buy groceries.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” Doris said, “but that’s your money. You should use it to buy something you want.”

“Watch the news tonight at six,” Veronica told them all. “You’re going to be on it.”

From The Handy Helpers: Seven is a Perfect Number  available on amazon

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Winter Hiking in Prescott, AZ

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IMG_0518Winter is a special time for hiking in Prescott. Cooler temperatures allow longer, less sheltered hikes. Sunny days with temperatures in the upper forties to upper fifties are best, but I’ve hiked when temps were in the thirties.  You soon warm up as you hike along.

Snow creates its own challenges. Recently we hiked the Centennial trail. It is named for the Arizona Centennial and was opened in 2012. We hiked it in September of that year. It was beautiful with flowers still in bloom. This time we hiked it after a snow. The beginning of the trail was muddy, but there were plenty of boulders on both sides of the trail. In most cases we were able to step on the boulders and avoid the mud. As we came around to the north side, the trail was still covered with snow. Making our way up the north face, we tramped through snow most of the way. The snow had melted in some places, leaving  very gooey mud.  In other places it had refrozen into slippery ice flows. At various spots along  the trail we had to cross small streams. Again, strategically-placed boulders provided a way across.IMG_0522

After our climb, we descended into a secluded valley–very mystical and delightful.  After climbing out of the valley–on snow-packed trails of course– we were treated to petroglyphs and magnificent homes in Enchanted Canyon. You can reach this trail off of Gail Gardner Way. Turn onto Westridge and go about a half mile. There is a small parking lot on the right. Then walk along Westridge for about 100 yards to the trailhead.

To avoid the snow and mud, we have elected to hike the trails along Pioneer Parkway and Williamson Valley Road. Many of the trails in that area are part of the Circle Trail that goes all the way around Prescott. You can begin the Legacy trail at Kuebler Field just off of Commerce Drive. Vegetation is sparse in places which makes it great for winter hiking. The trail goes under Pioneer Parkway three times by way of nicely lighted underpasses. There are great views of the Granite Dells, Granit Mountain and Glassford Hill. You can also begin this trail off of Williamson Valley Road. There is a small parking area on the east side of the road just after the intersection with Pioneer Parkway.

IMG_0521The trails around Watson and Willow Lakes are also good choices for winter hikes. Most of the time you will be walking on boulders, and snow melts away quickly there. We usually try to avoid the trails off Walker Road or Senator Highway after a snow, but otherwise they are also good for winter hiking on warmer days.

The important thing is to get out there and hike. Spring is just around the corner and you’ll be ready as the snows melt up north and the flowers begin to bloom.

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Making the Most of Lent

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IMG_0517Today is Fat Tuesday, the day before Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of Lent. It is called Fat Tuesday because it is the last day before beginning a forty-day fast.

Forty days of fasting is significant to Christians.  After receiving the ten commandments, Moses stayed on the mountain with God for forty days and nights without food or drink. Elijah walked forty days and nights to the mountain of the Lord. And most importantly, Jesus spent forty days and nights in prayer and fasting before beginning his public ministry.

From earliest times,  preparing for Easter was practiced in the church. By the time Christianity was legalized in 313 A.D., Lenten practices were well established. Fasting consisted of eating one meal with a few snacks to keep up one’s strength for physical labor. As it is today, abstaining from meat was required on Ash Wednesday and every Friday during Lent.

The purpose of Lent is to prepare for Easter. This involves renewing baptismal vows and repenting of and turning away from sin–in other words, getting right with God. While Lent is largely a Catholic practice, I know many protestants who are recognizing the forty days of Lent as a way to make changes in their lives. Making sacrifices such as giving up something for Lent and helping those in need are also aspects of Lent.

If you try to count the forty days of Lent on a calendar beginning with Ash Wednesday and ending with Good Friday, you will see that it is more than forty days. That is because Sundays are not included in the forty days. Sundays are considered not to be a part of the Lenten responsibilities.  When he was a boy, my husband, whose birthday is March 30, would have to celebrate on Sunday when his birthday fell during Lent. This practice is not done so much today, and those who have given up something for Lent usually continue to abstain even on Sundays.

For me, Lent is an opportunity to deepen my relationship with my savior. This year, I have chosen to read, Rediscover Jesus, an invitation, by Matthew Kelly. I received the book as a Christmas gift from my pastor. The prologue begins with these words:  “OUR GOD IS A GOD OF SURPRISES.” Then it recounts the story of a man named Paul who is trying to get a taxi because he is rushing to catch a plane. In the process of getting the cab, he knocks over a small produce stand belonging to a blind woman. As his friends urge him to get in the taxi, Paul returns to help the woman reset her produce stand. When he is finished, the woman asks Paul a question. She asks him, “Are you Jesus?” When Paul asks her why she thinks he is Jesus, she tells him that when her stand crashed she asked Jesus to help her. Later, Paul asks himself a question, “When was the last time someone confused you for Jesus?”

Coincidentally, the book has forty chapters–one for each day of Lent. The chapters are only a page or two followed by a “Point to Ponder,” “Verse to Live,” Question to consider,” and “Prayer.” In addition, I have signed up to receive daily emails that will help me have the BEST LENT EVER. If this sounds like something you need in your life, you can join me on this journey. Visit DynamicCatholic.com/BestLentEver to receive a free copy of the book and to register for emails.

Don’t just give up chocolate–Make this Lent count. It will change your life.

 

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Then and Now

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Scan_20160202When Kirstin was two years old, I was the chairman of Mother’s March for March of Dimes in Chandler, Arizona. The local newspaper sent a reporter to our home to interview me. She asked a lot of questions about raising a special needs child and about what I thought life would be like for us in the future. She took a nice picture of Kirstin and me, sitting on the swings in our backyard.

I had totally forgotten about the experience when, many years later, my cousin, Connie, came across her copy of the article and sent it to me. We were living in Chino Valley, Arizona, by that time, and Kirstin was in high school. Without looking at the article, I passed it to Kirstin, thinking she would enjoy reading it. Several days went by, and Kirstin never said a word about the article. Finally I asked her what she thought about it. After a few awkward moments, she muttered, “I was embarrassed.” Puzzled by her response, I took a look at the article myself. To my horror, I discovered that I had painted a pretty dreary future for our family. I had said that Kirstin would stay with us no matter what; we would never put her in an institution. Even though it might be embarrassing at times, we would keep her with us wherever we went.

The person I was picturing back then had no resemblance to the bright, charismatic charmer who is the adult Kirstin. Had I considered that someday Kirstin would be capable not only of reading the article but of fully understanding what she read, I would never have spoken those words.

Before Kirstin’s birth, I had practically no experience with special needs children. In high school, I had read Angels Unaware, written by Dale Evans, which is about her daughter, who had Down syndrome. She and Roy Rogers raised this daughter at home. It was written from the point of view of the child, who only lived for two years. It greatly moved me, but I never considered that someday I would be the parent of another angel. At the time Dale Evans had her child, parents were being encouraged to put their disabled children in institutions. In fact, in her book, she talks about the institutions being so full that children were placed in foster homes until they could be institutionalized. Doctors told parents it was in the best interest of the family. The special child would be a financial drain and take up so much of the parents’ time that their other children would suffer.

When Kirstin was diagnosed with Down syndrome, the doctor mentioned putting her in an institution as a possibility, but it was not one we ever considered. Nor was it something the doctor expected us to consider. Parents today aren’t given that option at all, because such institutions don’t exist. If families are unable to care for their special needs children, there are generous, loving families eager to adopt. At times, excellent foster families provide appropriate homes where these special children are able to thrive. Adults with special needs remain at home or in group homes as participating members of their communities. This is also the story of how that came about.

I chose to call our book This Little Light of Mine, thinking of the Sunday school song, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine … Hide it under a bushel? No! I’m gonna let it shine.”

Kirstin does shine in this world. Because she was able to attend school with her peers, students today don’t say, as I did, their experience with special needs children is limited to reading a book. These special students are their friends and classmates. Later in life, they are their customers, employees, and coworkers, and all our lives are better for it. While they do have special needs, they also have special gifts. There is plenty they can teach us in this cynical, dog-eat-dog world. From them we can learn tolerance and patience, which are virtues most of us are weak in. Yes, Kirstin does shine in the world, and she lights it up everywhere she goes.

From the Preface of This Little Light of Mine, A Woman with Down Syndrome Shines Brightly in the World, available at amazon

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Our Children: Our Legacy of Hope

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meetamaker_hailey-fortTo say that our children are our future sounds trite and obvious. Nevertheless, they are the ones who will someday be making the decisions that will shape the course of future events. Kids today are often portrayed as spoiled, entitled and lazy–more interested in communicating on social media than interacting with the world around them.

I’m sure that is true of some young people today, as it has been true of every generation that has gone before them. Unfortunately, we are more often exposed to the negative than the positive.  With that in mind, I would like to make a case for the optimistic future I see ahead of us.

I believe children today are more tolerant of individual differences. When I was growing up, we were sheltered from anyone who was different. People with mental, emotional and even physical disabilities were hidden away. Now we embrace and celebrate those who have special challenges to overcome. They are our heroes–not something strange to be feared. Our kids have been raised in that atmosphere.  Not only are they tolerant, they are reaching out to help where they see a need.  When Hailey met a homeless man in her community she decided to build him a little home. With only minimal help from her family (mostly in the form of advice) she build a house with windows, insulation and solar panels. That would be quite an accomplishment for someone of any age, but Hailey is only nine years old. It would have been so easy for her to say, “When I grow up, I want to help the homeless.” But Hailey didn’t wait until she was grown up. She saw a need and went to work doing something about it.

An eleven-year-old named Lily watched her grandfather who has Parkinson’s disease struggle with drinking from a regular cup. She could have very kindly helped him hold the cup–which I’m sure she did. But Lily set to work inventing a cup with legs her grandfather could grasp, enabling him to hold the cup himself.

Unlike earlier generations who had massive sets of encyclopedias, kids today have grown up with technology that allows them to instantly find an answer to any question they might have. They have not only embraced such technology but expect it as part of their daily lives. What will they do when they have questions that cannot be answered yet? I believe they will search for the answers until they find them. They will go on to answer the questions that we have been unable to answer–What causes the common cold? Why can’t we feed everyone in the world?  How can we prevent the spread of disease?

As a Baby Boomer, I have grown up knowing that I was part of a generation that was so large the world had to sit up and take notice of us.  The Millennials are another huge generation. Their impact will be felt around the world. I have no doubt they will be equal to the task ahead.

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Falling in love again on the high seas

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Scan_20160111As I mentioned in a previous post, Craig and I recently took a fifteen-day cruise to Hawaii. It was a trip we had talked about taking for many years. I must admit I had some legitimate concerns about my ability to handle all the responsibility  and make it a wonderful trip for both of us. In January, we took sort of a practice four-day cruise to see how it would go. There were a few glitches, but I thought I had a plan that would assure smooth sailing.

Shortly after we sailed I lost Craig. It would be over two hours before we saw each other again. During that time the captain held the required muster. This involves all of the passengers reporting to their muster stations. I was sure Craig would show up there, but alas he didn’t. Security was looking for him everywhere, but couldn’t find him. Finally, Craig went to someone for help–something he never does. We were reunited just in time to get dressed for dinner.

During the night, Craig kept walking out of our cabin. I was asleep and didn’t know he was gone until the security guard knocked on the door. This happened twice. The third time, I noticed he was gone and went out to find him. Just as the door closed behind me, I realized I didn’t have my key card. I found Craig right away, but we waited for an hour for someone to open our door.

The next day, our cabin steward suggested that I decorate the doorIMG_0512 so Craig would be able to recognize it. I took his advice and Craig never got lost again.  As usually happens on any vacation, there were a few other problems, but after the first day and night things went pretty well.

Our trip was as wonderful as we expected. Hawaii was beautiful and we went on some great excursions. The most unexpected part of the trip was how our relationship changed.  Because Craig has dementia, most of the time I feel more like a caregiver than a mate.  But with so many days to be together away from our daily cares and responsibilities, it seemed like romance crept back into our relationship.

Ten of our fifteen days aboard the ship were days at sea. That meant that we had to find plenty of things to do in order to fill up the time. We spent time relaxing, of course, but we are active people and like to do things. We went on a digital scavenger hunt, and took cha-cha lessons. Craig was a good sport about everything we did–even dressing up in an ugly sweater for a photo. On previous cruises, I had encouraged Craig to enter the hairiest chest contest. Although he is well endowed in that department, he would never join in. On this cruise, he chose to participate. Although he was not able to remember all the things he was supposed to do, (He did swing on a pole and dance with one of the judges.) he did his best and I’ve never been prouder. Little by little I caught glimpses of the Craig I fell in love with fifty years ago.

Although Craig and I tell each other “I love you,” we were not as affectionate with each other as we had been in the past. The cruise reignited the passion in our marriage and that has continued now that we are home.

Having a partner who has severe memory problems makes going on a fifteen-day cruise seem like a huge undertaking. But moving out of our comfort zone and taking a chance has wonderful benefits as we discovered.

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I’m back and ready to go!

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Scan_20151220 (2)I’ve been away for a while. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t notice. I realize this is a very busy time of year and my little post isn’t exactly the most exciting thing on the web. Anyway, I’m back at work now and promise you a weekly post that is positive, uplifting, and I hope entertaining.

Craig and I left on a cruise the day after Thanksgiving. We purchased the cruise ten months ahead of our sail date, so it seemed like we had plenty of time to get ready. But as always happens it became crunch time as the time approached. We had gathered everything we needed. Our clothes were hanging in the closet, ready to pack.  The week before Thanksgiving, my brother, Rick, came to visit.  It was great to see him and we enjoyed showing him around. After he left, we had two days to get everything into suitcases. Next, I had to prepare Thanksgiving for the thirteen guests who were coming to our house.

It was a lovely Thanksgiving, but as soon as our guests departed, we were faced with the last minute details that always take longer than you expect. Finally, Friday morning (Black Friday for the rest of you.)  arrived and we set out on our drive to Los Angeles. Our fifteen-day cruise to Hawaii was as wonderful as we expected. The ship was decorated for Christmas and so was Hawaii. Poinsettias grow outdoors there and they are so lush and beautiful compared to the scrawny ones we have as house plants.

We did manage to buy many of our Christmas gifts on the ship or in the ports we visited,  so it seemed like we were ready for Christmas. The weather in Hawaii was great–no rain and temperatures in the 70s. Even Los Angeles was a balmy 67 degrees when we returned. Imagine our shock when we got home to freezing cold temperatures and snow. All of a sudden, we were thrown into Christmas and realized how far behind we really were.  Our house was still decorated for fall.

After two days of running the washer and dryer nonstop, we got busy making our house look like Christmas. I managed to get our Christmas cards mailed on Christmas Eve, and I did my Christmas baking after Christmas, but we did manage to get it all done.

So now I’m looking forward to 2016, with hopes for an even better year. I plan to get to work finishing book four, which is long overdue. I hope you will find the time to drop buy now and then to read my little blog. I would love it if you left a comment to tell me how I’m doing. Wishing you all a very happy New Year!