I am sad at times, when I think about how Craig and I have built a life together over the years and little by little I see it going away. It has become my role to keep things together as Craig is busy taking them apart. Today, I replaced a door knob on a bedroom door that had been locked and unlocked so many times that the lock wore out. Then, in the kitchen, I installed child-proof (and I’m hoping Craig-proof) fasteners on some cabinets.
Sometimes, I have to laugh–crying is not an option. A few weeks ago, I stepped out of the shower. As I was drying off, I saw a shadow going across in front of the window. I knew it was Craig and he was carrying something–it was my clothes–the clothes I laid out on the bed to put on after my shower. Not wanting to shock my neighbors by going outside wrapped in a towel, I took out other clothes and got dressed. It took me a while to locate everything. I found my underwear on the propane tank. I not sure what the man from Santa Fe Propane would have thought if he got there before I did. Now I lock the bedroom door before I get in the shower.
Nothing is really safe, and once Craig fixates on something, the only thing I can do is lock it away, especially valuable things like my china. While I lock away the things of our life together, I am reminded to also lock away our precious memories. It is my job to preserve them. I must remember that Craig was not always as he is now. Even now, he is a sweet, loving man. But I must not forget that through most of his life he has been a strong, brave, skilled, smart, creative, thoughtful, generous and caring person.