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Living the life she chose

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kirstin's new home“”Looking back on our lives, it seems we have come so far. Those limited expectations I had when Kirstin was born are long gone. Now I see a world not with limitations but only with possibilities and challenges for the future.”

“Throughout most of her life, Kirstin has walked a thin line between the world of those with developmental challenges and the world the rest of us live in. Over the years, that line has become blurred, and  more often, Kirstin has chosen our world over the simpler, safer world that could be hers.”

From This Little Light of Mine, A woman with Down syndrome shines brightly in the world.

“If I knew then what I know now, would I do things differently?” I’m sure we have all asked ourselves that question. Considering Kirstin’s childhood, I see that we raised her in a certain way. As much as possible, we encouraged her to participate with her non-disabled peers. She went to ballet classes and gymnastics. She was in Camp Fire Boys and Girls. She sold candy door to door and went to Camp Fire camp. At the same time, she participated in Special Olympics and special education classes. I guess you could say that we showed her both worlds and let her chose for herself.

Now that Kirstin is an adult, she sees choosing as her God-given right. She does listen to advice, but ultimately, she is the one who choses where her life will go. That’s why Kirstin works at Costco and lives in her own apartment. It is also why I’m sure that in her near future, she will get married. While Kirstin is making her own choices, she still needs our help. And so, we are there for her, but sometimes it’s not easy.

I see many of Kirstin’s friends who have chosen to live in group homes. They have an equally fulfilling life. They spend more of their time with their peers and less time with their families. In that way, they are more like others their age. They work at jobs they enjoy, volunteer in the community and have a variety of social experiences.

I sometimes consider that my life would be less complicated if Kirstin had made the other choice.  What if we had steered her in that direction instead of helping her become more independent? Without getting into the nature vs. nurture discussion, I can’t help but think it wouldn’t have made any difference. Kirstin has always had her own ideas about things. That’s true for most of the adults I know with Down syndrome.  They have made different choices, but the point is, they have been allowed to make choices.

When Kirstin was born, children with Down syndrome were being placed in institutions. Sadly, they were not allowed to chose for themselves. Today, there are so many opportunities for people with developmental challenges, and I see those opportunities broaden every day. But with so many opportunities, parents with small children who have developmental disabilities have an awesome job to do preparing their children for their future. Theirs is a challenging and sometimes frustrating road, but one that is blessed with lots of encouraging experiences.

I am a fan of Doctor Phil. I watch his show as often as I can. I have seen many dysfunctional families verbally duking it out on public television. Their problems vary from teens who are addicted to drugs or alcohol or sex, to out-of-control children who have been overindulged. I am yet to see a family on his show who are there because they have a child with Down syndrome. I’m sure most of those families have pleasant, enjoyable lives.

To answer my question, would I have done things differently, I’m pretty sure I would not. Watching Kirstin mature and take on adult responsibilities has been one of my great joys in life.

 

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A Rocky Start: Chapter Three Continued

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After lunch, they all sat around for a while, letting their food digest, and planned the football game. Kyle had already marked off the goal lines at each end of the field. Before they began, he reminded everyone of the rules,

“This is tag football, no tackling allowed. Tagging means tapping someone on the back with both hands. The quarterback stands at one goal line and passes the ball to someone on his team. The other team tries to block the pass or intercept it. If the ball is caught, the player can say ‘down.’ Then no one can tag him. The person catching the ball can run with it. If he is tagged, the ball is down at the spot where he was tagged. If a team makes a touchdown or if there are four downs with no touchdown, the other team takes over at the other end of the field.”

“Do you really think it’s fair to make your mother and Amber play against the two of us?” John asked Kyle.

“What do you mean, make us?” Mary scolded. “What makes you think we won’t beat you?”

“Is this girls against guys?” Mrs. Jenkins asked. “I can throw a pretty mean football.”

“What about running?” Amber asked, concerned.

“You said the quarterback stands at the goal line,” Mrs. Jenkins reminded her. “Let me be the quarterback. You’ll see.”

The girls took the ball first, with Mrs. Jenkins on the goal line. Amber ran out for a pass, and Mrs. Jenkins threw a bomb right to her. Amber caught it and said, “Down.” There was a short delay in the game as Mrs. Jenkins walked to a new position downfield. Amber threw the ball to her mother, who managed to run a few feet before Kyle tagged her. From there, she threw a short pass to Amber, which didn’t advance the ball very far. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about Mrs. Jenkins who was now in the end zone. Amber faked a pass to her mother, but instead threw it to Mrs. Jenkins who made a beautiful catch for a touchdown.

Both John and Kyle were wearing shocked looks on their faces as they realized what had happened. Just then, Kyle noticed Logan Green walking by.

“Hey, Logan, want to play tag football? We need some help. The women are beating us.”

Logan looked at the three victors cheering and high-fiving each other in the end zone. “Sure,” he said. “Where do you want me to play?”

Logan was a student in Amber’s class, but she hadn’t really talked to him very much. He was usually quiet in class and mostly talked to his friends Chris and Spike during lunch or recess. Amber knew that Logan was very organized and always prepared for class. The teacher called on him a lot, and he usually had the right answer.

Now that the guys had the ball, they showed no mercy. Kyle threw the ball to John, who threw it sideways to Logan, who ran it in for a touchdown. The girls just stood there, unable to do anything about it. Then Mary was the quarterback. She told Amber to run out for a pass. Amber was running backward, not really seeing where she was going. Her mother saw it first and tried to yell, but it was too late. When Amber hit the mud, she couldn’t stay on her feet. Slipping and sliding, she let out a yell. That brought Domino to his feet, and within seconds, he was loose from where Kyle had him tied up. As Amber landed seat-first in the mud, Domino pounced on her with his muddy paws.

At first the others stared in shock, but when they were sure Amber was okay, they started laughing. Amber got up and headed for the restroom without even looking their way. That was the end of the football game. At least it ended in a tie.

“You’re a pretty good football player, Mrs. Jenkins,” John was saying as Amber returned from the restroom.

“Call me Betty,” she said. “I raised three boys, so I played a lot of football in my day.”

“Where are your boys now?” Mary asked.

“Calvin lives in Oakland, California. He’s a stockbroker and has two boys of his own. Sam is in the air force, stationed at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base near Tucson. Robert is a chef in a fancy restaurant in San Francisco. He has three children, two girls and a boy.”

“You must really miss them,” Mary commented.

“They visit when they can. At least they aren’t that far away. My husband, Paul, and I moved here when he retired. After Paul passed away, I thought of moving closer to one of my sons, but I like living in Bluesky.”

John offered Betty a ride home, but she said it was just a short walk to her house. Amber, now passably clean, asked if she could walk with Betty.

“Come straight home after that,” Mary told her. “I don’t want you out after dark.”

“I will,” Amber assured her.

“I can’t believe you made that catch!” Amber exclaimed as the two walked along.

“I wasn’t sure I could stay on my feet,” Betty said. “It was sort of a one-handed catch.”

“Well, at least we scored,” Amber said enthusiastically. “If I hadn’t fallen in the mud, we might have won.”

“I’m pretty sure the guys weren’t going to let that happen. Anyway, we made a decent showing.”

“That was so embarrassing in front of Logan.”

“I think he likes you,” Betty said.

“Logan? Why would you say that?” Amber asked.

“He was looking at you a lot. But the main reason is that when you fell in the mud, he was the only one who didn’t laugh.”

“He was probably too disgusted to laugh. He probably never had something like that happen to him in his life!”

“I think you might be surprised,” Betty went on. “Everybody has things like that happen from time to time.”

“Not as often as I do,” Amber sighed. “You must have been good at sports when you were younger.”

“I played softball in high school,” Betty told her. “Now my sport is shuffleboard.”

“Really?” Amber looked surprised. “I’ve never heard of shuffleboard. Where do you play it?”

“Come around to the Bluesky Senior Center at ten o’clock next Saturday,” Betty invited. “You can cheer me on in the shuffleboard tournament.”

“I’ll ask my mom,” Amber assured her. “If she says it’s okay, I’ll be there.”

The Handy Helpers book series is available at Amazon

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Who is Beth Anne Riley . . . Really?

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Beth Anne finishedI have been fortunate in my life to know many people with Down syndrome. Any one of them could have been the model for Beth Anne. But as my daughter Kirstin says, “I would like people to remember that even though we look alike, we are all unique.” And so Beth Anne is her own unique person.

When I first began envisioning the plot for the second Handy Helper book, Seven is a Perfect Number, I knew that Melissa would be challenged by a new girl in town who would threaten her friendships with Laura and Amber. But when Beth Anne showed up, I was totally surprised. I hadn’t considered that the new girl would have Down Syndrome. And yet, there she was.

When I think about it now, I can see that Beth Anne is the perfect person to shake Melissa’s self-confidence. Beth Anne is the opposite of Melissa in so many ways. To begin with, Beth Anne is timid and shy while Melissa is bold and outgoing. Melissa is concerned about her appearance, wearing the latest clothing fads and then accessorizing to the hilt.  As Amber says, “She dresses to the nines” (sometimes the eighteens or the twenty-sevens). Beth Anne is happy to be dressed in comfortable clothes. And even though she rarely gets anything new, she is okay with that. When Beth Anne is going to church with her grandmother, Doris buys her a dress–one of the few dresses she has ever owned.

The biggest difference between Melissa and Beth Anne is how they treat others. Melissa is friendly and helpful, but often puts her own needs ahead of the people she is helping. Beth Anne reaches out in a loving way and gives fully of herself. The difference becomes obvious in the way the two girls respond to Mrs. Henry. Melissa sees her as a grouchy old lady who needs help but doesn’t appreciate it. Beth Anne sees a lonely woman who wants someone to care. While Melissa is busy dusting Mrs. Henry’s living room, Beth Anne sits on the sofa and gets Mrs. Henry to talk about her photo albums.  It is Beth Anne who coaxes Mrs. Henry out of her wheelchair so she can walk again.

Little by little, the Handy Helpers realize that Mrs. Henry is changing from a grouchy old lady to a sweet, kind friend. All of them know that it is Beth Anne’s influence that is bringing about the change–all of them except Melissa. But even Melissa can’t fight the obvious forever.

It is not until Beth Anne is rescued from the mountain, that her impact on the Handy Helpers becomes apparent to all of them. Beth Anne’s willingness to give of herself so completely, rubs off on each member of the Handy Helpers and is reflected in tiny acts of grace. Chris lets Elizabeth Sawyer win the Sunday school contest even though he has more scripture verses. Spike has been avoiding Connor, the little boy who tries to be like Spike. But in the end, Spike becomes his friend and even brings him to Melissa’s birthday party. Although Melissa had been trying to keep Beth Anne out of the Handy Helpers, it is Melissa who insists that the group won’t be complete until Beth Anne is the seventh member.

Like the Handy Helpers, I’m so glad that Beth Anne came to live in Bluesky. Our lives would not be the same without her.

The Handy Helpers book series is available at Amazon

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A Rocky Start: Chapter Three

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Sunday morning proved to be another beautiful day in Bluesky. Amber checked on the family in the sycamore tree. This time the mother was sitting on the nest, but the father was on a branch close by. She knew it wouldn’t be too long before there would be baby birds in the nest.

Amber dressed for church and went down to breakfast. Kyle was the last one down, so he had to say grace. The Snyders live close enough to the Community Christian Church to walk there. John and Mary walked hand in hand as Kyle and Amber followed behind.

“Want to play football at the park today?” Kyle asked.

“Maybe,” Amber said. “Who will be on the teams?”

“How about guys against girls?” Kyle suggested. “That is, if you’re up to it.”

“I think Mom and I can take you guys,” Amber said with confidence, though she had serious doubts.

“You’re on,” Kyle said with satisfaction

As soon as they found a table at the park, John started the charcoal for the burgers. Mary spread a cloth over the table and unpacked the picnic basket. Kyle took Domino to the dog park so he could run around with other dogs. Amber went along to watch.

Domino was the first dog the family had owned. John brought home a dog book so they could decide what breed to get. Mary was thinking about a small dog, such as a Yorkshire terrier. That was until she read about how much work it was to take care of them and that they could be yappy and not always good with children. When Amber read about the Labrador retriever, she knew that was the kind of dog she wanted. They were great dogs for kids. That was part of the reason. But most of all, she wanted a Lab because the book said they were hyperactive. She and their new puppy would have something in common.

Naming their new pup was another issue. Everyone suggested the usual names like Buddy and Blacky. None of the suggestions seemed quite right. One night when they were watching TV, their new pup came into the living room with an obvious problem. His nose was stuck in a pizza box. He was whining and hitting at the box with his front paw, but he couldn’t get it off. They all laughed when they saw him.

“Way to go, Domino,” Amber said. The others looked at her.

“Here, Domino,” Kyle called to the dog. “Let me get that off your nose.”

That was it. His name was Domino. There was no question about it.

It was obvious from the start that Domino was an attention-deficit/hyperactive dog. One day Amber was watching him chase a lizard in the backyard. Domino got distracted by a noise, and when he looked away, the lizard scampered off. He looked back at the spot where the lizard had been. Even though the lizard was gone, Domino kept trying to find him in the same rocks. He gets distracted just like me, Amber thought.

Kyle took charge of housebreaking Domino. He had it all planned, but Domino didn’t always follow the plan. He made his share of mistakes. Kyle was a pretty patient teacher, though. Amber thought maybe he learned that from being her big brother.

John called out to his family to let them know that the burgers were done. As they ate, Kyle talked about his trip to Fox Creek. The melting snow from the mountains above the creek had caused the banks to overflow, filling in their best fishing spots. The water was cold and rushing too fast for Kyle and his friends to get in it. They found a side pool, and Domino jumped in before Kyle could stop him. As the dog book said, Domino was a great swimmer right away. Kyle had a hard time getting Domino out of the pool. At first he tried calling to his dog, but in the end, he had to go in after Domino. Carrying a wet fifty-pound dog out of a cold creek isn’t any fun.

Amber noticed a woman sitting on a bench near the pond. She was throwing bread to some ducks. Amber thought she looked familiar, and then she realized it was Mrs. Jenkins. Amber asked her mom if it would be okay to invite Mrs. Jenkins to join them for lunch.

“I just finished sharing my lunch with the ducks.” Mrs. Jenkins laughed. “But I wouldn’t mind having a piece of that luscious watermelon you’ve got there.”

As Mary put a slice of watermelon on a plate, she commented about being lucky to get a good watermelon.

“How do you choose your watermelon?” Mrs. Jenkins asked. “Are you a thumper?”

“Mostly, I just choose one and hope for the best,” Mary replied. “Do you have a secret for choosing a good watermelon?”

“I used to grow watermelons every summer in Kansas. First, I look for a watermelon that is dark green and not shiny. Then I look for the ripe spot. That’s a sort of yellow spot where the watermelon was touching the ground.”

“You told a secret,” Amber said with surprise. “I thought you never tell secrets.”

“Only when it comes to my chocolate chip cookies.” Mrs. Jenkins smiled her sly smile again.

The Handy Helpers book series is available at Amazon

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The Lovely Lorene

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Scan_20150504Lorene Scott was born on November 22, 1926, in Meeker, Oklahoma,  to Rosa Mae and Benjamin Harrison Scott. She was their third child, baby sister to Kenneth and Mary. Later two brothers would be added to the family–Glenn and George.

The family moved to Arizona and Lorene grew up in Peoria. Like all families during the depression, the Scotts struggled to meet their daily needs. But strength and determination carried them through those trying times.

Attending Peoria High School, Lorene was the pitcher for the softball team.  With the team, she traveled the state playing against other high schools. She said that when her team played Jerome High School which was perched on the edge of Mingus Mountain, if someone hit a home run, the ball landed in Clarkdale, the town below.

As a teenager, Lorene had a job at the local drug store working at the fountain. Everyday, she rushed from school to get there before the other kids. Because she knew what each one would order, she had things ready when they arrived. Those who didn’t have any money ordered a pine float–a glass of water with a toothpick in it. Gene Autry, a western singer and movie star of the time, owned the juke box in the drug store. When he came in to change the records, Lorene asked him to remove “Tweedle o’ Twill” a song with lots of yodeling that drove her crazy. Gene Autry lifted the five-foot, ninety pound girl and set her up on the counter. Then he put a coin in the juke box and played “Tweedle o’ Twill.” But after that, he did take it out as Lorene requested.

On August 1, 1946, Lorene married George Owen Morgan. Two years later, their first child, Rosemary, was born in Phoenix. Shortly after that the family moved to Idaho, where George farmed with his brother Ed. As I was much too young to remember those days, I can only rely on what my mother has told me. Apparently I was a daddy’s girl, going out with my dad on his horse as often as he would take me.  My sister, Shirley, was born in Idaho, but soon after that we returned to live in Arizona.

In March, 1952, George and Lorene were expecting their third child. Unfortunately, little JoAnne passed away at birth. Saddened by the loss of their little daughter, George and Lorene supported each other and carried on. But just one month later, George was in the hospital for a surgical procedure. The procedure did not go well and a few days later, Lorene lost him as well.

So much loss in so short a time would be difficult for anyone. But Lorene had two small daughters to care for. Her parents supported her during that time and built a small house behind their own for us to live in. My earliest memories are of living in that house in Glendale. Lorene went to work at Co-op Dairy to support her family. It was there that she met Richard Ebersole. They were married and we all moved to Phoenix. After my brother, Rick, was born we moved to a larger house on Rose Lane and Eleventh Avenue. That was the home I grew up in.

Shirley was married in 1969, and I followed the next year. Our parents were looking forward to their retirement years when Richard was diagnosed with Leukemia. He passed away in March, 1971. Alone again, with just my brother left at home, Lorene had to call on her inner strength.

After twenty-seven years working for Carnation Dairy, she decided to retire. Taking her pension, she invested in a business. In spite of her hard work and determination, the business failed. But being the strong person she is, Lorene pulled herself together and found a job with Circle K. With her leadership skills, she soon became the manager of a store. She continued to work for Circle K until she retired at the age of seventy-five.

I feel fortunate to have such an outstanding role model in my life. My mother has always been a strong, independent woman. She has overcome so many tragedies, any one of which would have crushed a weaker person. But each time, she rose above the situation and stood on her own two feet, caring for her family with love and determination.     momTo me she will always be the lovely Lorene.

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A Rocky Start: Chapter Two, continued

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The girls waved good-bye as they climbed on their bikes and rode away toward the pond. In the Bluesky Chamber of Commerce brochure, the pond is called Holiday Lake, but most of the people in town just call it the pond. After the winter snows have melted up north, the pond has quite a bit of water, but by the middle of summer, it is nothing more than a mudhole. The summer monsoon rains help refill it a little, but it is never large enough to qualify for lake status.

On that particular Saturday, the pond was full, with lush green vegetation around it. The girls liked to catch tadpoles and other “science specimens” that they put into Ziploc bags so they could carry them home. Laura liked to gather crayfish from the little stream that fed the pond. Her mother, who was from Louisiana, used them to make jambalaya. Amber took some home once, but her mother made her throw them away. She said that city girls got their shellfish at Red Lobster. They didn’t fish it out of irrigation ditches.

Amber’s mom liked to call herself a big-city girl because she was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona. Amber’s dad lived in Flagstaff from the age of five. He never thought of himself as a big-city guy, and he never wanted to be one. Amber’s parents had met during their college years when they were both counselors at a summer camp in Pinetop. It was a camp for children with disabilities. After her first summer there, Mary thought about becoming a physical therapist, but she had already started on a business degree at a junior college, and she stayed with that. John was working on his degree in business management at Northern Arizona University.

After summer camp, they had a long-distance writing relationship until John finished college and moved to Phoenix. He asked Mary to marry him, and a year later, they were married. A year after that, Kyle was born. At first they had been happy in Phoenix, but John missed the pine trees and being outdoors. He couldn’t get used to the hot summers in the Valley of the Sun. That’s why when Kyle was three years old, the family moved to Flagstaff. John was happy to be back home, but after two unusually harsh winters, Mary convinced him that they needed to find a place with a warmer climate. That was when they moved to Bluesky.

In Flagstaff, John had been a department manager in the large Discount Mart. A smaller mart was being built in Bluesky, and he had the chance to be its manager. Mary was just getting her insurance license, and she was invited to join a new agency in Bluesky. With cooler summers than Phoenix and warmer winters than Flagstaff, Bluesky seemed like the perfect place to live. Before Kyle was ready to start kindergarten, the family made its move. Amber was born in Bluesky and never wanted to live anywhere else.

Bluesky sits in the middle of a large valley, almost completely surrounded by mountains. As its name suggests, the sky is a brilliant blue, interrupted occasionally by a few wisps of white cirrus clouds. Early in the morning, the sun, on its way up, tints the horizon with muted shades of lavender and apricot. In the evening, the setting sun brushes the sky with vivid reds and oranges, leaving just a hint of the colors after it drops behind the mountains. Bluesky is a small town with plenty of room to grow, though most of the people in town are happy with things just the way they are.

The water in the stream was a little cool, so the girls looked for creatures in the water without wading in as they usually did. After a while, they were tired of the pond and decided to ride their bikes around the park. When they reached the playground, they stopped to play on the swings and slides. Laura’s mom owned a ballet school where she taught gymnastics. Laura had been doing gymnastics since she was three years old, so she showed her friends some tricks she could do on the monkey bars. Amber and Melissa followed her lead as best they could. After that, they played a game of tag with some other children at the park.

The sun was high overhead when they decided it was time to go home for lunch. Amber said good-bye to her friends as they continued past her house on their bikes. She found her dad asleep in front of the television and her mom working on some paperwork in her office.

Amber’s mom looked up from her desk. “It must be time for lunch. How about tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches?”

“My favorite,” Amber answered back.

“What did you girls do this morning?” Mrs. Snyder asked as they ate lunch.

Amber filled her in on their visit to Mrs. Jenkins’s house and their adventures at the park.

“There are a lot of older people in Bluesky,” her mom said thoughtfully. “It must be hard for them to do the things they need to do. That was very nice of you to help Mrs. Jenkins.”

“She makes cookies that have a secret ingredient,” Amber told her. “We tried to guess what it was, but she wouldn’t tell us.”

“Maybe she will when she gets to know you better.”

“I don’t think so,” Amber said. “I don’t think she ever tells anyone.”

“Do you have any homework?” Mary asked her daughter.

“I have some math,” Amber said with disgust.

“If you finish it this afternoon, we can have a picnic after church tomorrow. How does that sound?”

“Can we grill hamburgers?” Amber wanted to know. She loved hamburgers better than just about anything.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Amber took out her homework. It was fractions, which were hard for her, but she thought she remembered what her teacher told her about adding fractions. They had to have the same denominator. She looked at the example and started to work. In half an hour, she was finished.

Since she was doing homework, Amber decided to read her Sunday school homework. It was about finishing what you started. Amber knew she needed to work on that. It wasn’t that she meant to quit on things before she was finished, but sometimes she just got distracted. At the top of the page, she saw a Bible scripture from Galatians 6:9, “Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest.” Amber hoped her harvest wouldn’t be spinach.

The Handy Helpers book series is available at Amazon

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My Empty Nest

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back cover pictureEvery challenge has its rewards, and every opportunity has its tradeoffs. One of the tradeoffs I had counted on was that Kirstin would always be with us. Michael was an independent young man at an early age, playing with his friends all day. When we moved to Prescott Valley he became an adventurer, exploring the creeks and hills around our town. In high school, now a licensed driver, he spent time with his buddies or worked at various part-time jobs.  He no longer accompanied us on family vacations.  After high school, Michael took a job with the U.S. Forest Service as a firefighter. At first he remained in Chino Valley, but he was soon transferred to other ranger stations in remote areas of our large state. Eventually, he got married and became a parent himself. He had gradually become less and less a part of our daily lives, but Kirstin was always there. She was with us every day and everywhere we went. Other parents had to prepare for having their children move away, but not us. While we knew Kirstin would have a life of her own in some ways, I always assumed she would continue to live with us.

The empty nest idea didn’t fully hit me for a few months. It was May and it was Mother’s Day. On any other Mother’s Day, Kirstin would have been parked outside our bedroom door, waiting for us to wake up and open the door so she could rush in present and card in hand. But on this particular Mother’s Day, there was no shuffling noise coming from under our door. It hit me like a ton of bricks. We were empty nesters. That was when the tears came.

As parents, Craig and I are as proud of Kirstin and her accomplishments as we are of our son Michael. They have both made their own way in the world as strong, successful, independent adults. Kirstin knows her own mind and will stand up for what she thinks is best for her (even to her overbearing mother). Letting go is a very difficult thing to do, and I don’t think we have fully mastered it yet. Maybe we never will. But Kirstin is always patient with us and helps us learn to be better empty nesters.

Kirstin’s Side of the Story:  I like being independent. Growing up means having a lot of responsibilities. I budget my money carefully. I have lots of bills to pay. It is not always easy being an adult. I’m a good cook. I keep my house clean. I am a good shopper.

All children have their families, even when they grow up. My mom and I play Pounce together, cook together, and spend time together. We don’t see each other every day, but that makes it more special when we are together.

From: This Little Light of Mine, A woman with Down syndrome shines brightly in the world. This book is available on Amazon

It has been over eleven years since Kirstin moved out of our home and into the mobile she shared with her grandmother. During that time, Kirstin has enjoyed her independence and grown into a remarkable adult. When we were helping her make decisions about what to do with her mobile home, there was a part of me that wanted so much to have her live with us again. But that wasn’t my decision to make. Kirstin has her own plans and dreams. Like all of us, she is working to make them come true. My role is to support her in this as I have always done.

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A Rocky Start–Chapter Two

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Image1-17_edited-1          Amber awoke to a beautiful spring morning with the sound of birds outside her window. She pulled back the curtain to look at the nest in the sycamore tree. Earlier in the spring, she had watched as two parents-to-be built their nest from pieces of dry grass and straw. The male bird was orange and black, and the female was black and yellow. Both birds had black wings with white stripes. Amber’s dad said that he thought they were orioles. But he took Amber to the library to get a bird book so they could find out for sure. After reading about all the different types, they decided the birds must be hooded orioles. The black face and orange head that looked like a hood kind of gave it away. In her sketchbook, Amber had drawn several pictures of the birds, some flying and some sitting on a branch.

In the nest, Amber could see five bluish-gray eggs with black specks. The male was sitting on the nest, but Amber knew that the two birds took turns. A few weeks after they had spotted the birds in the tree, Amber’s mom brought home an oriole feeder, which she hung in another tree in the backyard. Other birds used the feeder as well, but Amber could always pick out her pair.

The smell of pancakes brought Amber down to breakfast. Her mom made pancakes almost every Saturday. After breakfast, she would have to do her Saturday chores. This week, it was cleaning the bathrooms. Her mother always cleaned the kitchen and did the laundry. Amber, Kyle, and their dad rotated the other chores. Today Kyle had to vacuum, and Dad was dusting.

As Amber walked outside to begin pulling weeds in the front yard, she saw two girls on bikes, riding toward her house. As they came closer, she recognized her two best friends, Melissa Peterson and Laura Thomas. Both girls were dressed in jeans and T-shirts. Melissa was almost a foot taller than Laura and Amber. She had her long straight blond hair pulled back and held by a clip with a flower on it. Laura’s short brown hair was covered by a baseball cap.

Her friends left their bikes in the driveway and started across the grass to where Amber was. They were both pulling gloves out of their pockets and putting them on.

“We’re here to help you with the weeds,” Laura said. “Then maybe you can go with us to the pond.”

“I’ll have to ask my mom,” Amber said with a smile. “But I’m pretty sure she will let me.”

“What’s Kyle doing today?” Melissa wanted to know.

“He’s going to Fox Creek with some of his friends,” Amber told her. “He’s in there packing a lunch right now. I think he’s taking Domino with him.”

“Maybe we could go to Fox Creek too,” Melissa said hopefully.

“I know my mom would say no to that,” Amber shook her head.

“Mine too,” Laura chimed in. “Fox Creek is definitely out-of-bounds for me.”

About a half hour later, Amber pulled out the last weed from the front yard. She carried the bag of weeds over to the trash can.

“That didn’t take long at all,” Laura said.

“No, it didn’t,” Amber agreed. “I’ve got an idea. Yesterday, I met Mrs. Jenkins. She lives on Hope Street, and I was walking past her house when she asked me to get her newspaper out of the bushes.”

“She must have the same paperboy we have,” Melissa interrupted. “Derrick Carson. He always throws our paper in the bushes too.”

“Well, anyway,” Amber continued, “Mrs. Jenkins seems really nice, and I noticed she has some weeds in her yard. She couldn’t bend down to get her newspaper, so it’s probably hard for her to pull weeds. Maybe we could do that for her before we go down to the pond.”

Melissa and Laura both agreed that would be a good thing to do. After Amber checked in with her mom, the three girls got on their bikes and headed for Mrs. Jenkins’s house. They found her sitting in the glider on her front porch.

“Mrs. Jenkins,” Amber called out as she laid her bike down, “these are my friends, Melissa and Laura. We’ve been pulling weeds in my yard, and we thought you might like some help with your weeds.”

“That is a very nice offer, but are you sure that’s what you want to be doing on a fine Saturday morning?”

“It won’t take long,” Laura assured her. “And we love to help people.”

“In that case,” Mrs. Jenkins said, “I think I’ll take you up on your offer. That is, if you’ll have some lemonade and cookies with me when you’re done.”

“That’s a deal,” the girls responded with glee.

Amber, Melissa, and Laura started to work on the lawn, and Mrs. Jenkins went into the house. It hadn’t rained for quite a while, so there weren’t too many weeds. It didn’t take the girls long to finish. When Mrs. Jenkins returned, she was carrying a tray with a pitcher of lemonade, four glasses, and a plate of cookies. When Melissa saw her trying to get through the door with the tray, she ran over to help.

“Let me take that for you,” Melissa said. “Those cookies smell awfully good.”

“It’s my special recipe for chocolate chip cookies,” Mrs. Jenkins told her. “No one can ever guess my secret ingredient.” She told the girls to go inside and wash their hands. Then she poured the lemonade into glasses.

“These are the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever had,” Amber said. “What is your secret ingredient?”

“I can’t tell you.” Mrs. Jenkins smiled a sly smile. “Or it wouldn’t be a secret, would it?”

“We wouldn’t tell anyone,” Laura pleaded.

“Sorry, you’ll just have to try guessing.”

“Is it cinnamon?” suggested Melissa.

“No, any other guesses?”

“What about nutmegan?” added Amber.

“You mean nutmeg,” Laura corrected. “I think it’s something exotic like cardamom.”

“Good guesses,” said Mrs. Jenkins, “but you’re all wrong.”

For a few moments, everyone ate the cookies in silence. Then Mrs. Jenkins said, “The yard looks much better. I don’t know how to thank you girls. When my husband, Paul, was alive, he always took such good care of our lawn. If a weed popped up, he would snatch it out of the ground right away. I think the weeds finally gave up and decided not to grow in our yard. Since I’ve had to use this cane, I haven’t been able to keep up like he did. I hire a neighbor boy to mow the lawn once a month. That’s about all I can manage.”

The Handy Helpers book series is available at Amazon

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Why I Cry

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crying (2)I’m not ashamed to admit it–I’m a crier. Lots of things make me cry. I cry at the end of movies–sad ones and happy ones–even ones I’ve seen many times before. I cry when I see cute babies or puppies on Facebook. Even some television commercials make me cry. Seeing an elderly couple holding hands brings tears to my eyes. If they kiss, I’m a goner.

According to my mother, I was born with enlarged tear ducts. It was a condition that corrected itself over time and did not require surgery. It’s not likely that it has anything at all to do with the fact that I can cry at the drop of a hat. Anyway, I doesn’t explain the lump in my throat that accompanies the tears.

In her post entitled, “The Health Benefits of Tears,” (Psychology Today, July 27, 2010) Judith Orloff, M.D. had this to say about crying:

“Tears are your body’s release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and frustration. Also, you can have tears of joy, say when a child is born or tears of relief when a difficulty has passed. In my own life, I am grateful when I can cry. It feels cleansing, a way to purge pent up emotions so they don’t lodge in my body as stress symptoms such as fatigue or pain. To stay healthy and release stress, I encourage my patients to cry. For both men and women, tears are a sign of courage, strength, and authenticity.”

Dr. Orloff went on to explain about different types of crying. Emotional tears are especially beneficial because they contain stress hormones that are excreted from the body through tears. It is also possible that crying stimulates the production of endorphins–the feel good hormones.

Almost any emotional situation can bring tears to my eyes. I recently watched a video showing people in Israel on Holocaust Memorial Day. At a certain time, a siren sounded all over the entire country. People who were driving on the freeway pulled to a stop and got out of their cars. Everyone stopped and stood silently. The siren lasted for a long time, but I continued to watch until it ended. Amazingly, I was dry-eyed until the end. But as the people were getting back in their cars, a felt a lump in my throat and tears ran down my cheeks. It reminded me of something that happened here in my own state of Arizona. Cars lined both sides of the highway and people stood next to their cars as the bodies of nineteen hot shot fire fighters, whose lives were lost in a forest fire, were being returned home for burial. I pray that I will always be moved to tears by such displays of love and respect.

Church is the place where I am most likely to be brought to tears. At every mass, there is something that causes me to cloud up–a scripture reading, words to a song, a heart-felt homily. I have never once made it all the way through “Amazing Grace.” At some point I just have to stop singing for a moment because no words can make it over the lump in my throat. If I don’t have tears in my eyes on the way to communion, the tears form on the way back to my seat.

Sometimes I am so moved that I want to cry out, but I try my best to hold it in. I wonder at times if I’m the only one. Are their others around me holding back tears? Do they look upon the image of our crucified Lord and long to throw themselves at his feet and cry like a baby? If I did that, would they join me or would they call an ambulance, thinking I was having a heart attack? I wonder.

 

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A Rocky Start–Chapter One, Continued

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Mary Snyder, Amber’s mom, called to her from the sliding glass door. “Oh, Amber, you’re doing such a nice job. Why don’t you quit now and wash your hands? You can set the table for dinner in about half an hour.”

As Amber walked through the living room, she saw Kyle and their father, John, watching the ball game. Kyle had changed out of his baseball uniform and was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, but her dad was still dressed in the dark-blue pants, light-blue shirt, and dark tie that he wore to work. He had loosened the tie, which was now draped around his neck.

“Hi there, Fred,” her father said as she came in the room.

That was what he always called her ever since she was born, and her mom named her Amber Nicole. Her dad had said, “She looks like my Uncle Fred.” It was true that in her baby pictures she was kind of red and wrinkly and didn’t have much hair, but she didn’t think she looked like Uncle Fred. Anyway, now that she was ten years old, she had thick bronze-colored hair that sparkled red in the sunlight and thoughtful brown eyes. The wrinkles had smoothed out into peaches-and-cream skin. Amber looked more like pictures of her mother when she was young than pictures of Uncle Fred.

The Snyders were having meat loaf and mashed potatoes for dinner along with carrots. Amber liked carrots better than broccoli or cauliflower, but she was really glad they weren’t having spinach. She couldn’t imagine why anyone wanted to eat that slimy, stringy, foul-tasting green stuff.

“Anything interesting happen at school today?” Mary Snyder directed her question to both of her children at the dinner table.

“It was a short day,” Amber said with a sigh. “Nothing interesting ever happens on short days. We just do what we have to do and go home.”

“Well,” Kyle said enthusiastically, “I took a biology test today. I’m pretty sure I aced it.”

“That’s nice,” Mrs. Snyder told him. “What about you, dear?” turning her attention to Mr. Snyder. “How was your day?”

“It was a pretty ordinary day,” he said, “except the antelope got in the garbage again. They spread it all over, and I had to send three people out to clean it up. My employees tried making a lot of noise to get them to leave, but the nosy antelope just came closer to see what was going on.”

Although everyone in town calls them “the antelope,” they are really pronghorns, according to Amber’s teacher, Ms. McGuire. The pronghorns live in the grassy sections in the middle of town. They look beautiful with their elegant necks and stately horns. When they are frightened, they raise the hair on their rumps to present a dazzling white warning that can be seen for miles. Pronghorns are the fastest animals in North America, but they are not very good jumpers. The citizens of Bluesky often see them going under fences, and several times a week, the traffic comes to a stop as they cross a street.

The pronghorns graze alongside the cattle owned by the Fontaine Cattle Company. Before there was a town called Bluesky, the whole area belonged to the Fontaine family. They have raised cattle on this land for more than a hundred years. In the 1970s, the Fontaines decided to develop some of their land. The first homesites were intended for summer cabins built by families from Phoenix who wanted to get away from the heat. The lake and community horse corrals were added to make country living more attractive to the big-city folks. As the nearby towns started to grow, more people bought lots in Bluesky and built homes to live in all year-round because housing was cheaper there. Basically, there were two types of families in Bluesky: families with young children like Amber’s and retired people. Although the two types of households tried to blend in together, sometimes there was friction. The senior citizens weren’t always patient with the noisy kids running around the neighborhood. Some of the kids tried to stay out of their way, but that wasn’t always possible.

 

Amber was happy about two things that evening. The first was that Friday night was her dad’s turn to do the dishes. The second thing was that it was game night. If it had been her turn to choose the game, she would have chosen the Game of Life that her grandparents had just given her for her birthday on March 22. Unfortunately, it was Kyle’s turn to choose, and as usual, he chose Monopoly. As soon as the table was cleared, he set up the board and started counting out money for each player. Kyle liked to be the banker.

As usual, Kyle bought Boardwalk and Park Place, which he built up with hotels. Amber owned some properties, but not any sets, so she couldn’t buy houses or hotels. Their dad owned one of the railroads, but Kyle owned the other three. Mom had a utility company and some properties with houses on them. Amber kept landing in jail, and Kyle had the “Get out of jail free” card. After hitting Boardwalk or Park Place three times in a row, Amber was bankrupt.

“I’ll loan you some money,” Kyle offered.

“Yeah, with high interest,” Amber shot back.

“Of course,” Kyle said, rubbing his hands together.

“I’m kind of tired,” Amber told her parents. “I think I’ll go to bed early. There are lots of weeds waiting for me in the morning.”

“Okay, sweetie,” Mom said. “Get a good night’s sleep.”

“I guess you don’t need me to rock you to sleep, do you, Fred?” Dad said that almost every night.

Amber kissed her parents and went upstairs to her room.

When Amber closed her eyes to go to sleep, behind her eyelids she saw weeds, weeds, and more weeds. She noticed that her arms were a little sore, and when she stretched out her legs, she felt her muscles tighten, probably from crouching for so long.

Amber’s mom came in to check on her. “You did a nice job in the backyard,” she said. “You accepted responsibility for leaving the trash out, and you didn’t complain about having to pull weeds. I’m very proud of you. So are your dad and brother.”

“Kyle,” Amber questioned, “proud of me?”

“I think he’s even sorry he beat you so badly at Monopoly.”

“No, he’s not,” they both said at the same time. Then they laughed.

The Handy Helpers book series is available at Amazon