Last week, I was sure that my daughter, Kirstin, told me a lie. What she told me seemed very unlikely and I chewed her out for telling me a story. It wasn’t until several days later that I found out what she told me was not a lie at all.
Having to apologize is a very humbling experience. But Kirstin’s attitude through the whole thing made it even more humbling. When I called her a liar, she didn’t argue with me. She didn’t defend what she did or make excuses. In fact, she apologized. When it was my turn to say I was sorry, she was gracious and immediately forgiving. I spent some time thinking about this and it occurred to me that Kirstin was more concerned about my feelings than she was about being right.
I have often heard Dr. Phil ask a guest, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Of course, everyone says they want to be happy, but they continue defending what they have been doing. “How is that working for you?” is the next question Dr. Phil asks. And of course they admit that it isn’t working.
This makes me wonder why most of us seem to keep doing what we have always done and getting the results we always get, even when it isn’t working. I think I’m going to take a lesson from Kirstin and not worry so much about being right. Instead, I choose to be happy.
I’m hooked on the television series The Good Doctor. Dr. Shaun Murphy is a surgeon who has autism. In nearly every episode his “out of the box” thinking solves a problem that no one else can. Now there is a new chief surgeon who sees Dr. Murphy’s weaknesses more than his strengths and moved him from surgery to work in pathology. He is an excellent pathologist, but he wants to be a surgeon. Reluctantly, he goes to his new position and tries to make the best of it, but he can’t let go of the need to be a surgeon.
The previews for this week’s episode show the surgeons calling for Dr. Murphy to help with a problem in the operating room. I’m excited to see if the chief surgeon will re-evaluate his position and recognize Dr. Murphy’s special gifts. Will he admit that he was wrong?
We hear a lot of talk about diversity, tolerance and acceptance, but often we fall short when it comes to putting those beliefs into action. We have a lot to learn from those among us who see the world just a little differently.